ADHD, and keeping your sanity.
Our plight with having a child with ADHD started early. His personality and way of being started when he was just months old. Aiden was absolutely never capable of sitting still, and he liked certain things in a certain order or way. As a toddler, he was curious, and he was absolutely having his terrible twos as soon as he could walk. He would throw tantrums, and often, for no apparent reason. When he was a baby, he could not communicate, and I feel like this frustrated him. He was very quick to talk and very quick to walk. As a mother, I would feel exhausted and often, like I was fighting my own child. Thankfully, that phase passed. Yet, his strong personality is still there. He is demanding, loud, controlling, manipulative and extremely intelligent. In fact, if I wasn't his mother, I would think that I had just typed an incredible negative sentence. But, it is true. Aiden is just as great as he is difficult to deal with. He is never the first kid to try something that looks "dangerous". He truly weighs his options. Going down big slides was something that we just recently conquered, because he is very afraid of taking a risk. It's funny that he is this way, because I see myself in tiny bits of his personality. Aiden is the child that can be both the teacher's pet, and the problem child. I have been complemented often on his intelligence, his sociability, his humor, and his leadership skills. But just as often, on his lack of patience for others, for his inability to keep his hands to himself and stop fidgeting, and for calling out in class. In this manner, I can see why his teachers express concern, and I think they have been amazing in shaping his skills. But I can tell, they would also like to see a child possibly medicated to make their life that much easier. This is a choice that I will not make for my family. I don't think that there are enough long-term studies that prove these drugs are safe, and on top of it all, we can't attempt to cure something that we have yet to figure out a cause for. So, no thank you, meds.
It is also worth noting that my son's pediatrician is of the pushy kind. She wants to give out flu shots and ridiculously expensive allergy inhalers and not to mention ADHD medication. I will give her credit, she loves to keep those script perks. But for someone to push prescriptions onto parents without proper research is a little off putting. I have researched this topic fully, and the pediatricians never share all the knowledge of ADHD that there is out there. For example, there are behavioral therapists that have succeeded when working with children like Aiden, who are highly intelligent, and whose ADHD does not affect their learning. I feel like my pediatrician should have discussed all options for treatment and not just pushed for a prescription. Thankfully, I am well informed. I remember sitting at the Florida Atlantic University library and trying to find articles on children with ADD and ADHD. I had read countless of online journals, and I own several books written by professionals in the field. So, armed with knowledge I put my foot down and refused to give him drugs for his ADHD. It is not known how these drugs do long term, and to test them out on 5 year olds seems a little ludicrous. My child is not a lab rat, thank you very much.
So, how do we deal with Aiden? Well, I could truly write a book. My method is often to try to outsmart him. He has an issue with control. So, I've read up on different ways to deal with headstrong controlling children. I let my son be as independent as possible. He is smart enough to be able to control his behavior so that he can attain the best possible outcome. I homeschool a lot. Some teachers may not like this, but I get through to him the best when I am challenging him and presenting him with interesting information about the world. I think a big part of Aiden's problems have to do with boredom and lack of activity. I wonder how much of it is really a problem that can be treated with a neurological stimulant. Personally, we have just begun to win small battles simply by setting clear schedules and sticking to them. Generally, a deviation from the set schedule of the day is enough to trigger a meltdown. So, laying out a backup plan or a list of other possible activities is absolutely necessary. At least in my situation. I also let him come up with solutions to his own problems. I think that problem solving activities help him realize that he can develop solutions that will help him solve his problems. A wonderful professor of mine once told me that first he presents students with difficult problems so that they can look at easier problems in a new light and have the confidence to solve them. I think that I have carried this thought when raising Aiden.
As far as the future is concerned, I really cannot say how Aiden will turn out. I definitely do not want to medicate him. I want to see how far he can go on his own, and hopefully I can keep him in school with his peers. I know that he is gifted, but at the same time it takes a special teacher to be able to teach him; Having said that, the future does look a little brighter everyday. He is not perfectly behaved, but I see slow improvement.
If this is any helpful to you, just know that it does get better. Once you can communicate effectively with your child, you can also make small gains in helping them with their interaction with the world.
It is also worth noting that my son's pediatrician is of the pushy kind. She wants to give out flu shots and ridiculously expensive allergy inhalers and not to mention ADHD medication. I will give her credit, she loves to keep those script perks. But for someone to push prescriptions onto parents without proper research is a little off putting. I have researched this topic fully, and the pediatricians never share all the knowledge of ADHD that there is out there. For example, there are behavioral therapists that have succeeded when working with children like Aiden, who are highly intelligent, and whose ADHD does not affect their learning. I feel like my pediatrician should have discussed all options for treatment and not just pushed for a prescription. Thankfully, I am well informed. I remember sitting at the Florida Atlantic University library and trying to find articles on children with ADD and ADHD. I had read countless of online journals, and I own several books written by professionals in the field. So, armed with knowledge I put my foot down and refused to give him drugs for his ADHD. It is not known how these drugs do long term, and to test them out on 5 year olds seems a little ludicrous. My child is not a lab rat, thank you very much.
So, how do we deal with Aiden? Well, I could truly write a book. My method is often to try to outsmart him. He has an issue with control. So, I've read up on different ways to deal with headstrong controlling children. I let my son be as independent as possible. He is smart enough to be able to control his behavior so that he can attain the best possible outcome. I homeschool a lot. Some teachers may not like this, but I get through to him the best when I am challenging him and presenting him with interesting information about the world. I think a big part of Aiden's problems have to do with boredom and lack of activity. I wonder how much of it is really a problem that can be treated with a neurological stimulant. Personally, we have just begun to win small battles simply by setting clear schedules and sticking to them. Generally, a deviation from the set schedule of the day is enough to trigger a meltdown. So, laying out a backup plan or a list of other possible activities is absolutely necessary. At least in my situation. I also let him come up with solutions to his own problems. I think that problem solving activities help him realize that he can develop solutions that will help him solve his problems. A wonderful professor of mine once told me that first he presents students with difficult problems so that they can look at easier problems in a new light and have the confidence to solve them. I think that I have carried this thought when raising Aiden.
As far as the future is concerned, I really cannot say how Aiden will turn out. I definitely do not want to medicate him. I want to see how far he can go on his own, and hopefully I can keep him in school with his peers. I know that he is gifted, but at the same time it takes a special teacher to be able to teach him; Having said that, the future does look a little brighter everyday. He is not perfectly behaved, but I see slow improvement.
If this is any helpful to you, just know that it does get better. Once you can communicate effectively with your child, you can also make small gains in helping them with their interaction with the world.
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